Focus on the Family How to Deal With an Adult Addict Child

Parenthood was once thought to exist inevitable — a destiny — for good for you fertile adults.

No more. Many people are opting out, a life choice that nonetheless provokes debate.

The number of babies born in the U.Due south. final year fell to the lowest level in 32 years, with younger women especially having fewer kids. Americans are now having fewer children than it takes to replace the population, a tendency mirrored in other countries.

It doesn't surprise Amy Blackstone, a sociology professor at the University of Maine and author of the new book, "Childfree by Choice: The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence."

She and her husband Lance decided not to accept children years ago after merely not feeling the pull towards parenthood. They check in with each other every year to make sure they're withal both on board nearly opting out. Famous women who've as well fabricated the choice include Ina Garten, Cameron Diaz and Helen Mirren.

Amy and Lance Blackstone got married in 1995. For years when people asked her when she was going to have kids, she responded, "I'm not prepare nevertheless." But so she realized she simply didn't desire children. Courtesy Amy Blackstone

For her volume, Blackstone interviewed lxx child-costless men and women and surveyed more 700 virtually their experiences. She constitute women nonetheless feel the brunt of the stigma.

"Men sort of get a pat on the back and in that location'south more joking about, 'Aren't you lucky that you dodged this bullet?'" Blackstone, 47, told TODAY.

"Whereas for women, it'due south the, 'Oh, yous poor thing, I can't believe yous're missing out on the well-nigh meaningful experience that a woman can have. You must exist so sad and solitary.'"

Hither are eight more of her findings:

ane. Many of the top reasons for skipping parenthood are especially true for millennials

Blackstone: The price of living and having a baby — we know that's a particularly difficult result for millennials who are facing all kinds of college debt. Certainly, having a child has an bear upon on the environment and I know that's a reason that millennials have shared for their choice.

Other top reasons include the desire for autonomy, spontaneity, freedom and the power to travel.

2. Many child-free people want to focus on the relationships they already have

Blackstone: This quote from a 44-year-sometime married woman resonated for me: "I worry that if I had a child I'd become a terrible partner because I'd exist so focused on being a adept parent."

This doesn't mean child-free people necessarily have perfect relationships or improve relationships than parents. But in my ain case, I practise recognize that I would be giving something upwardly in terms of my power to feel close with my partner and nurture that human relationship.

3. It's not a 'selfish' selection

Blackstone: In 2015, Pope Francis said, "The choice to non have children is selfish."

If we're going to put that label on the child-complimentary, then it's a label that needs to be shared across whatsoever group of people who've made a choice about the life that they know is right for them.

But isn't that what we're all doing? Even parents, if you enquire them why they had children, would tell you that they wanted kids because that's the life that they envisioned for themselves.

Alternatively, we tin cull to abandon the "selfish" label and decide information technology's OK for people to make a life choice that is best for them, whether that be parenthood or non-parenthood. Perhaps neither choice is selfish.

There's an impression that child-gratuitous people don't give back, or aren't giving to their communities or making a difference in the world. Frankly, nix could be farther from the truth. We know from research that the child-free are involved in their communities — they're well-nigh as likely as parents to volunteer.

four. Many child-free people do like kids

Blackstone: A quarter of the kid-costless people I interviewed really chose careers that require them to be involved and brand a difference in children's lives. Many of them are teachers, social workers, pediatricians. There are all kinds of means the child-free are engaged in kids' lives and made a pick to exercise that.

Some kid-free people don't like children and in that instance, the final thing we desire to exercise is push them into becoming parents.

5. Kid-free people don't have regret down the road

Blackstone: I have not talked with anyone who feels regret about their pick.

I have had family members who I know have been worried for me, but nosotros should accept when people tell us they don't want to accept children. Parenthood is a function that is all-time fulfilled when information technology'due south 1 that'southward chosen. It takes a lot to be a practiced parent then if somebody doesn't feel that pull, that'south perfectly OK.

6. Child-free people are fulfilled and happy

Blackstone: When people say we are missing out on something, that's absolutely truthful. But I would besides turn information technology effectually and say it's possible that parents are missing out on some aspects of the lives that child-free people enjoy. We can't practice it all — it's impossible to have every life experience.

So yes, we volition miss some experiences, but I don't think that because that is true, that it necessarily follows we're unhappy. I'm very happy with my decision. My married man and I have a life that nosotros dear.

The Blackstones scuba dive in Roatan. "I doubt I would have been capable of balancing motherhood with the sort of connection with my partner that I desire," Amy Blackstone writes in her new book. Courtesy Amy Blackstone

7. 'Who volition intendance for you in old age?' and 'Won't you exist lonely?' are questions for everyone

Blackstone: These are questions that we all should be thinking near every bit we age, whether we have children or not.

In terms of the child-gratuitous, many have been creating a nest egg to aid them be able to provide for themselves in their old historic period. And we're seeing more and more examples of "The Gilt Girls"-style living where older adults are sharing households with each other.

It's a mistake to assume having children ways one will have a person to care for them in their old age. Not every developed child cares for their aging parents, research shows.

eight. A child-complimentary household is a family

Blackstone: I would dear information technology if we came to empathise that the child-complimentary have families. I count my hubby and me every bit a family.

Child-free families fulfill the same functions that families with children do. We create households as a safe space that provides an emotional connection and an opportunity to recharge. We engage in "social reproduction," which involves annihilation that people practice to aid rear the next generation. For the child-free, that means existence mentors and friends to children.

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Source: https://www.today.com/health/why-aren-t-millennials-having-kids-8-insights-child-free-t155804

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